Have you...uh...

At one point in my long and illustrious college career, I thought I wanted to be a sign language interpreter. My very first American Sign Language class in college was taught by a Deaf man, Dennis -- who also happened to be gorgeous. New language. New culture. Distracting professor. Perfect.

As with any language, small nuances are all that separate one word or sign from another. A slight change in the orientation of one's hand, a raised eyebrow instead of a lowered one, or a tiny crook in a finger can completely change the meaning of what you're trying to convey.

And, as with any language, the things that stick with us most easily and permanently are the...uh...socially-unacceptable terms and phrases. The ones that could get you arrested, or even slapped in the face, if used in front of people fluent in the language.

Naturally, someone managed to expose me to a few of these, right before our midterm exam.

Mr. Niece

In my early 20s, after working for 6 years for Coca-Cola, I decided to go back to school and finish the bachelor's degree I'd barely started. I had it in my head that I should be an elementary school teacher. I loved kids, right? And I compulsively taught people things, right? (Read: bossy, annoying know-it-all who liked to play on jungle-gyms.) 

Handily, I'd become good friends with a woman who just so happened to be a lead teacher for a daycare. She graciously hired my silly self to be a teaching assistant, and I began a 6-year relationship with daycare and summer day camp. 

I wasn't not conventionally "feminine." In fact, I've always been a bit of a tomboy. My uniform: Jeans (dirty was good; torn was better), t-shirts, sneakers. My hair was long and straight, and the less I had to mess with it the better. Make-up? Seriously? Not on your life! And what does a coach have to do with a hand-bag?